Kels ∆

Once upon a time, a boy loved a girl; and her laughter was the question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.

128,672 notes

petitedeath:

strikelikeahawk:

jessica-messica:

zagreussits:

How to wear a knife strapped to your thigh with a garter like a fucking lady while managing not to slice yourself open because you were fool enough to carry an unsheathed weapon next to a squishy part of your body that moves when you walk.

  1. Get a garter from somewhere; this one is a sock garter from Sock Dreams, which means it’s made to stay the fuck up there.
  2. Get a fucking sheath for those sharp, pointy things and put them in the sheath. There’ll be a velcro loop at the top so that they won’t slide out if you hold the sheath upside down.
  3. Put the garter through the loop at the top meant for whatever you’re using to attach it to yourself. Attach it to yourself, adjusting for ease of grabbing. You don’t want to put it on your inner thigh because that is awkward as hell to get out. The only way you’d be able to get it out in a timely manner is if you attached the sheath upside down, at which point you’d need two garters to keep the sheath from tilting inward toward your other thigh.
  4. Oh no, now the sheath is hanging loosely and is going to make a weird pattern against your clothing. Tuck that shit into your stockings if you’re wearing them, or use another garter if you’re not.
  5. Pull your pencil skirt back down over the knife sheath. Adjust accordingly due to tightness of skirt and shape of sheath. Make sure you can get at it as quick as you want.
  6. People look at you really strangely if this is the knife you pull out when you want to cut your apple up.

Vital Information for your Everyday Life.

Reblogging this so I remember to show it to my wife.

I used to do this in high school cause 2 days of the week we did internships and shit and i had to bus alone to downtown seattle and there always creeps. I recommend listening to this.

(Source: dapuritoyo, via champagne-fountain)

477,125 notes

lacigreen:

queeravenger:

wobbuffette:

cracked-dot-com-official:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

guyfitblr:

And finally someone said it

nobody’s fucking stopping you from putting on some foundation dude you can put it on and it’s discrete and other straight guys won’t be able to tell and it does wonders. nobody’s stopping you from moisturizing or even putting on the lightest bits of concealer. don’t worry, other straight men can’t tell

Also there’s less pressure for men to be attractive and more pressure on women to see past men’s looks for their personalities, like look how many movies star average/ugly dudes who still score modelesque girls.

step 1: create unrealistic, unattainable standards of beauty for women

step 2: build a multi-billion dollar beauty industry to sell women makeup, tell them they are worthless without it

step 3: mock and vilify women who wear makeup as vain and fake, mock and vilify women who don’t wear makeup as ugly

step 4: code makeup as exclusively feminine, make the feminine shameful, shame any and all men perceived as feminine

step 5: complain that you can’t wear makeup

all that commentary

(Source: halloweenmovie, via champagne-fountain)

109,681 notes

youngstero:

my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia

the laxative yogurt lady fucked over my mom

(via momvan)